Don’t Go!

Dear Meddling Infidels,

You may have seen the news this weekend that I warned the leaders of other countries not to interfere in the affairs of Saudi Arabia. If I don’t want other world leaders all up in my grill, you can bet I don’t want hear it from the likes of you.

My message is simple: Don’t you dare go to the 2016 Summit on Saudi Arabia being heldMarch 5-6 in Washington, DC.

I know you may have gotten emails from the shrill harpies at CODEPINK saying that my beloved Kingdom has condemned juveniles to death or committed massive human rights violationsor regularly undermines the peace and stability of the region. I’m here to tell you it’s all lies.LIES! And who are you going to trust – Saudi royalty or a bunch of Western hippies?

Nothing to worry about!

Besides, your American companies are making a lot of money selling us the weapons we are using to kill Yemenis. And don't tell me you don't like the cheap gas we are selling you, keeping at bay those tricksters who jabber about global warming. So forget anything you’ve heard about re-examining the toxic U.S.-Saudi relationship and listen to me: Stay home. Definitely don’t visit this page to find out more about the summit and how you can attend.

Seriously. Don’t do it.

Sincerely,
King Salman of Saudi Arabia

(not really)